Nothing like a woman scorned !

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, lit the candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.

when she had finished,she went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She cleaned up the kitchen and left...

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell...........

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and the carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days.

Nothing worked....people stopped coming over to visit.... repair men refused to work in the house and to top it all the maid quit ..

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move...

A month later, even though they cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually the local realitors refused to take their calls..

Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called her ex-husband, and asked how things were going.. He told her the saga of the rotting house.....

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back

Knowing his wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smilimg as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods...

Never say anything idiotic when a woman is driving

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says we've been married now for 20 years, but I reckon it's better we divorced.

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70mph.

He then says I don,t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you.

Again wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

I want the house, he insists, pressing his good fortune. The wife speeds up to 80mph.

He says I want the car too, but sha just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to 90mph. All right he says, I want the bank accounta and all the credit cards too.

The wife slowly starts to veer towards a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous,so he says isn't there anything you want ?

The wife says no, I've got everything I need.

Oh really he says, so what have you got?

Right before they slam into a wall, the wife smiles and says The Airbag.