Some are really good !
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
More TV News Bloopers From CNBC
Who ?
Do they also get to express their views ?
Is this what they mean by "live conversation" ?
Oops.... need a few minutes more ?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Praiseworthy Notices... the little benefits of the international traveller !
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorian shop entrance:
English well talking.....Here speeching American.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorian shop entrance:
English well talking.....Here speeching American.
Uh Oh...
Well, women do anything to get a guys attention.... specially when you are the number one !
Fortunately, they don't have hair on their chest. Ofcourse, although on the [w]hole they may have more!
So, the bubbly is their only number !
So all why the [ph]uss !
Way to go maan !
Oops... that was fuss !
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Thirsty Squirrel
The squirrel with a fetish for soft drinks !
They call it the "Woodchuck Cok" [pun intended]
No wonder they say things go "higher" with Coco-cola !
Do politicians have a sense of humour ?
This is something that happened quite sometime ago, but worth reading
It is about an enterprising prankster, who wrote to American Senators asking them for their favourite joke. The responses are amusing, illuminating and, in some cases, really rather charming.
Posing as a 10 year old boy doing a "government project" at school, the prankster sent a scrawled note to 100 American Senators. Right off the bat, he discovered that getting a response from a top elected official is not an easy task, even for a ten-year-old boy. Weeks passed, with no response.
The reason for the delay, apparently was due to the fact that all 100 joke letters were screened for traces of chemical residue as per regulations. Federal marshals wearing protective suits held the prank messages up to ultraviolet lights, with long tweezers. Trained dogs sniffed hungrily over the letters, their keen noses able to detect anything except the scent of a practical joke.
Finally, the letters went through, and it pestered the nation's Senators until, finally, the responses started coming in. Senators actually took time from their busy schedules to write a joke, and send it to a lying ten-year-old kid. The results are sure to both amuse and amaze you. You can discover which of the Senators are funny and which are not, you will be moved to such a degree that you might even be tempted to vote [if they are participating during the next election ]
There are letters from such luminaries as John McCain (former presidential candidate) and John Kerry (possible future President). The jokes they chose reveal much about their personalities. And, against all odds, some of them manage to be quite funny too.
The senators who fell for it are listed at The Senator Prank
Article Courtesy: America's Funniest Senators
---------------------
Please note that Insanitary Media Behavior is only a blog, and it is in no way responsible for the content of any external website.
It is about an enterprising prankster, who wrote to American Senators asking them for their favourite joke. The responses are amusing, illuminating and, in some cases, really rather charming.
Posing as a 10 year old boy doing a "government project" at school, the prankster sent a scrawled note to 100 American Senators. Right off the bat, he discovered that getting a response from a top elected official is not an easy task, even for a ten-year-old boy. Weeks passed, with no response.
The reason for the delay, apparently was due to the fact that all 100 joke letters were screened for traces of chemical residue as per regulations. Federal marshals wearing protective suits held the prank messages up to ultraviolet lights, with long tweezers. Trained dogs sniffed hungrily over the letters, their keen noses able to detect anything except the scent of a practical joke.
Finally, the letters went through, and it pestered the nation's Senators until, finally, the responses started coming in. Senators actually took time from their busy schedules to write a joke, and send it to a lying ten-year-old kid. The results are sure to both amuse and amaze you. You can discover which of the Senators are funny and which are not, you will be moved to such a degree that you might even be tempted to vote [if they are participating during the next election ]
There are letters from such luminaries as John McCain (former presidential candidate) and John Kerry (possible future President). The jokes they chose reveal much about their personalities. And, against all odds, some of them manage to be quite funny too.
The senators who fell for it are listed at The Senator Prank
Article Courtesy: America's Funniest Senators
---------------------
Please note that Insanitary Media Behavior is only a blog, and it is in no way responsible for the content of any external website.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Thought for the day - insanitary media behavior
Man who cooks carrots and pees in same pot is unsanitary..... pun intended !
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Thought for the day - Marketing
The height of marketing failure.... failure to sell a lifeboat on the Titanic !
Arlo Guthrie - Wash their dishes, clean their house
Image Courtesy : http://www.jazzdimensions.de/interviews/more_views/2006/arlo_guthrie.html
Arlo Guthrie, son of the legendary worker-singer Woody Guthrie, has been "on the road" by now for over 40 years.
Like for his father before him the political song became his second nature..
folk with socio-political characteristics. Recently Arlo Guthrie toured Germany together with Hans-Eckardt Wenzel, the bard of the former GDR. This contact had been established through Arlo Guthrie's sister Nora—at the time Wenzel planned to release an album with germanized Woody Guthrie songs.
When Arlo Guthrie became famous at the end of the sixties with the song "Alice's Restaurant" and the album of the same name, this song stood likewise for the political outcry of a dedicated generation of young people. Folk was a means of political expression, it had power, it was a counter-culture.
The relative importance of folk music in contemporary America and the folk song in contemporary Germany is a recurring question which cannot be clearly answered. Arlo Guthrie, however, has not yet tired of fighting for a better world—on a large as well as a small scale: He is committed to help the victims of the floodings in New Orleans, but also bought the very church which was featured in the film "Alice's Restaurant" in order to turn it into an international meeting point...
To quote Arlo...
There were always great women singers although there were fewer of them. That has changed and now it seems more equal. In the last 40 years we've seen women become great players as well as singers. I think more women have discovered what musicians have always known—sex, drugs and music—: it goes together.
And you know the old saying? What is a folksinger without a girlfriend? "Homeless." It's as true now as it must have been 100 years ago. Not that much changes.
My mother was a modern dancer with the Martha Graham Company. We grew up listening to classical music and well as folk music. I thought it would be interesting to use the other half of my life. There is a recording coming out in about a month of a live concert with me and the University of Kentucky Symphony Orchestra. It's called "In Times Like These".....
My philosophy is simple. If you want to know something that someone else seems to know, wash their dishes and clean their house. Or do whatever they want or need. You will get more that way than taking a course and getting a degree. Feed your teachers and you will not be hungry.
Article Courtesy : Carina Prange
More details on the interview is available at this link
Thought for the day.....
What some men dream of, some men do...
How true....
The converse ..... those who cannot practice.... preach
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Anwar Primed for Political Comeback
Malaysia’s most charismatic political figure, Anwar Ibrahim, has confirmed he will re-enter politics as soon as he is eligible.
That may not be soon enough to stand in the next general election, which is due in 2009 but could be held early next year to avoid the “Anwar factor”.
“He is more charismatic than any other political figure,” said Lim Kit Siang, the head of Malaysia’s opposition Democratic Action Party. “If there was a level playing field, it would be a very serious challenge.”
Diplomats in Kuala Lumpur privately agree there is still a groundswell of support for the former deputy prime minister, despite a six-year campaign to discredit him through the state-controlled media.
More details available here
Article courtesy : Connie Levett, Sydney Morning Herald
That may not be soon enough to stand in the next general election, which is due in 2009 but could be held early next year to avoid the “Anwar factor”.
“He is more charismatic than any other political figure,” said Lim Kit Siang, the head of Malaysia’s opposition Democratic Action Party. “If there was a level playing field, it would be a very serious challenge.”
Diplomats in Kuala Lumpur privately agree there is still a groundswell of support for the former deputy prime minister, despite a six-year campaign to discredit him through the state-controlled media.
More details available here
Article courtesy : Connie Levett, Sydney Morning Herald
George On George - Soros turns up heat on Bush
George Soros continued his crusade against President George W. Bush yesterday, telling an audience no less than the future of the planet hinges on the results of the presidential election.
I'm ready to put my money where my mouth is. 2004 is not an ordinary election. It's a referendum on the Bush doctrine. The future of the world hangs in the balance," Soros told an audience at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace.
It is quite hilarious to note the balance factor here compared with the future.. It is high time somebody pointed out to our mate Soros that no matter what, there would always be a tomorrow, be it with him or without him, or even more without anyone of us... perhaps these are things money can't buy and they don't teach you at schools..
According to the endowment's website, the speech was meant to launch Soros' new book, "The Bubble of American Supremacy: Correcting the Misuse of American Power."
I personally prefer George of the Jungle's views, said George Clooney when asked about the ongoing crusade....
Clooney, voted as one of the sexiest men ever, however, denied he was ever aware of any such a jingle on the jungle, and also reiterated that he made no such statement !.....
Gosh the media.... they drive you insane!
As a closing note, it is extremely inspiring to note that the Georges’ are taking such a great interest in world affairs..... Shall drink to that!
More information on this available by CLICKING HERE
I'm ready to put my money where my mouth is. 2004 is not an ordinary election. It's a referendum on the Bush doctrine. The future of the world hangs in the balance," Soros told an audience at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace.
It is quite hilarious to note the balance factor here compared with the future.. It is high time somebody pointed out to our mate Soros that no matter what, there would always be a tomorrow, be it with him or without him, or even more without anyone of us... perhaps these are things money can't buy and they don't teach you at schools..
According to the endowment's website, the speech was meant to launch Soros' new book, "The Bubble of American Supremacy: Correcting the Misuse of American Power."
I personally prefer George of the Jungle's views, said George Clooney when asked about the ongoing crusade....
Clooney, voted as one of the sexiest men ever, however, denied he was ever aware of any such a jingle on the jungle, and also reiterated that he made no such statement !.....
Gosh the media.... they drive you insane!
As a closing note, it is extremely inspiring to note that the Georges’ are taking such a great interest in world affairs..... Shall drink to that!
More information on this available by CLICKING HERE
Monday, February 19, 2007
George Soros' Chinese Chery Sparks Protests
George Soros who bankrolled Moveon.org, is considering pouring hundreds of millions into a Chinese state automaker with plans to begin dumping cheap exports on the U.S. market next year, WND has learned.
The "Chery" is a knockoff of the South Korean Spark, sold in the U.S. in partnership with General Motors.
GM filed a lawsuit against Chery Automobile Co. for piracy of the car developed by its South Korean affiliate Daewoo and Chery will have to change the name of its exports to the U.S. as a result.
The lawsuit, launched in the name of GM Daewoo Auto & Technology Co. Ltd, contends Chery's QQ copied the design of Daewoo's Matiz, while Chery claims it developed the QQ on its own.
GM's investigation results showed the two vehicles "shared remarkably identical body structure, exterior design, interior design and key components."
The Chery QQ sells in China for $3,600. Chery sold about 50,000 of these last year in China and is planning to begin exporting cars to the end of 2007. Some auto industry analysts suggest the low price on the Chery is the partly the result of the "borrowed" technology and design. The list price on the Chery is expected to be around $20,000 in the U.S.
Until now, Chery has focused on exports to 10 other countries, including Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Cuba, Syria and Malaysia. But now, with the help of at least one prominent mega-investor – Soros – China is making big plans for a major push into the North American market.
The "Chery" is a knockoff of the South Korean Spark, sold in the U.S. in partnership with General Motors.
GM filed a lawsuit against Chery Automobile Co. for piracy of the car developed by its South Korean affiliate Daewoo and Chery will have to change the name of its exports to the U.S. as a result.
The lawsuit, launched in the name of GM Daewoo Auto & Technology Co. Ltd, contends Chery's QQ copied the design of Daewoo's Matiz, while Chery claims it developed the QQ on its own.
GM's investigation results showed the two vehicles "shared remarkably identical body structure, exterior design, interior design and key components."
The Chery QQ sells in China for $3,600. Chery sold about 50,000 of these last year in China and is planning to begin exporting cars to the end of 2007. Some auto industry analysts suggest the low price on the Chery is the partly the result of the "borrowed" technology and design. The list price on the Chery is expected to be around $20,000 in the U.S.
Until now, Chery has focused on exports to 10 other countries, including Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Cuba, Syria and Malaysia. But now, with the help of at least one prominent mega-investor – Soros – China is making big plans for a major push into the North American market.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Thought for the day - Advertising...
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have, for something they don't need....
Now blame Will Rogers for that... just borrowed it.. that's all
Besides, don't we all know it.. and also that a magazine is simply a device to induce people to read advertising....
Now blame Will Rogers for that... just borrowed it.. that's all
Besides, don't we all know it.. and also that a magazine is simply a device to induce people to read advertising....
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Thought for the day - Hurricanes
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
The Mandir or the Mandira Factor ?
This one is exclusively for the cricketing fraternity.. and for those who are not familiar .. a thousand apologies !
Nonetheless, this is an interview with one of the commentators of "the game"
Interviewer : How important is it for our cricketers to improve their technique?
Mandira : I really can't comment on that ... (blushing) ... Oh! That! Yes, it is very important for them to work
on their technique constantly ....
Interviewer : What was the hesitation for ?
Mandira : I'm afraid in cricket, the ball has a mind of its own, and a lot of the times you have to "wait and watch"
Interviewer : Tut tut, what position does the third man take ?
Mandira : Listen, you go read the Kamasutra. I don't have time for nonsense like this.!
To quote commentators further... the world is all about mind and matter, I don't mind and U don'tmatter...
Basically, all that's well ends well !!
Nonetheless, this is an interview with one of the commentators of "the game"
Interviewer : How important is it for our cricketers to improve their technique?
Mandira : I really can't comment on that ... (blushing) ... Oh! That! Yes, it is very important for them to work
on their technique constantly ....
Interviewer : What was the hesitation for ?
Mandira : I'm afraid in cricket, the ball has a mind of its own, and a lot of the times you have to "wait and watch"
Interviewer : Tut tut, what position does the third man take ?
Mandira : Listen, you go read the Kamasutra. I don't have time for nonsense like this.!
To quote commentators further... the world is all about mind and matter, I don't mind and U don'tmatter...
Basically, all that's well ends well !!
Thought for the day - The astronaut love triangle
How about that story, you know the NASA astronaut?
This female astronaut ... tried to kidnap and murder another NASA engineer, who was her romantic rival. She put on a wig and attacked the other woman with pepper spray and a BB gun, after driving 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, Florida, in diapers, so she wouldn't have to stop to pee. She drove 900 miles wearing diapers, thus breaking the old record set by Larry King." ... Jay Leno
When they caught her, she was wearing a wig and an adult diaper. There was a lot of confusion, because originally, authorities thought she was Elton John."
She drove 900 miles in a diaper. That's pretty amazing. Britney Spears can't even make it around the block in her underpants." ... David Letterman
The astronaut love triangle. I love that one. NASA hasn't had this much press since they faked that moon-landing thing in the '60s." ... Craig Ferguson
"Of course, since this is America, people capitalize on these things . . . have you seen these? Huggies with the 'Astronaut fit?'" ... Jay Leno
This female astronaut ... tried to kidnap and murder another NASA engineer, who was her romantic rival. She put on a wig and attacked the other woman with pepper spray and a BB gun, after driving 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, Florida, in diapers, so she wouldn't have to stop to pee. She drove 900 miles wearing diapers, thus breaking the old record set by Larry King." ... Jay Leno
When they caught her, she was wearing a wig and an adult diaper. There was a lot of confusion, because originally, authorities thought she was Elton John."
She drove 900 miles in a diaper. That's pretty amazing. Britney Spears can't even make it around the block in her underpants." ... David Letterman
The astronaut love triangle. I love that one. NASA hasn't had this much press since they faked that moon-landing thing in the '60s." ... Craig Ferguson
"Of course, since this is America, people capitalize on these things . . . have you seen these? Huggies with the 'Astronaut fit?'" ... Jay Leno
Divine Press Release..
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had an affair with a former worshipper.
The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.
Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child."
In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily".
Independent counsel Kenneth Beelzebub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men".
Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate, that God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal.
In recent months, Beelzebub's investigation has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God's political opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah was to divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo for political contributions.
If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses.
Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.
Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child."
In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily".
Independent counsel Kenneth Beelzebub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men".
Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate, that God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal.
In recent months, Beelzebub's investigation has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God's political opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah was to divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo for political contributions.
If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses.
Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Up yours ?
I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable.
And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
George W. Bush
He can be humorous if the need arises ....
And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.
George W. Bush
He can be humorous if the need arises ....
Thought for the day... George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Celebs - you hate them yet you can't do without them !
Alicia Silverstone
"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness"
It amazes me to notice the depth of actresses [no pun intended]. At times, they come out with such statements which leaves one clueless as to which "depth" she was referring to [pun intended]... In which case, true lightness [no pun intended] would definitely bring to light the shining star and three wise men..
Unfortunately, Alicia is a personal favorite.... so appreciate if you don't smoke her out too much !
Britney Spears
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada"
Absolutely lost here..... which C is she over while flying ! [ pun intended ]
Britney, Madonna and Aguilerra
With due apologies... This is an old one but to be take in light humor.....okay here goes.....
Due to a mix-up on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilerra are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.
Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy." Not to be outdone, Britney ripped $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy." Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make a million people happy !
And that was the end of the conversation of Agulerra, Madonna and Britney.
Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver
Now this deserves commendation, however, what we would have been interested is the amount they put on research, to arrive at such a conclusion !
Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
"Most lies about blondes are false"
Less said the better... let sleeping dogs lie !
George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
"It is white"
Touche .. cool one there.... whether intended or not.. but good one nonetheless..
Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"The internet is a great way to get on the net"
Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas"
In support of Britney !
"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness"
It amazes me to notice the depth of actresses [no pun intended]. At times, they come out with such statements which leaves one clueless as to which "depth" she was referring to [pun intended]... In which case, true lightness [no pun intended] would definitely bring to light the shining star and three wise men..
Unfortunately, Alicia is a personal favorite.... so appreciate if you don't smoke her out too much !
Britney Spears
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada"
Absolutely lost here..... which C is she over while flying ! [ pun intended ]
Britney, Madonna and Aguilerra
With due apologies... This is an old one but to be take in light humor.....okay here goes.....
Due to a mix-up on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilerra are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.
Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy." Not to be outdone, Britney ripped $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy." Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make a million people happy !
And that was the end of the conversation of Agulerra, Madonna and Britney.
Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver
Now this deserves commendation, however, what we would have been interested is the amount they put on research, to arrive at such a conclusion !
Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
"Most lies about blondes are false"
Less said the better... let sleeping dogs lie !
George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
"It is white"
Touche .. cool one there.... whether intended or not.. but good one nonetheless..
Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"The internet is a great way to get on the net"
Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas"
In support of Britney !
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